39 Weeks

Yes, I've been crying.

 Surprise!  Yes, 2 posts in one day and a belly pic on an odd numbered week.

Looking at 40 weeks last go round I'd say it's just about the same size.  My weight gain is about the same, +26, down a pound from last week.  I figured since this is likely to be the last ever week this belly exists, I needed to document.  There will not be a 40 week installment.

I am having a c-section on Thursday.  I've let go of all thoughts on having a vaginal delivery.  I wanted this baby to come when he's ready.  Charlie and I talked about how clinical delivering Freddie became, and how quickly he was swept off and kept in a warm box behind a glass with his Dada on the other side.  I longed for a quick hospital stay and an easy recovery.  Well, this week I don't care about any of that.  I want my baby, I want my body, and I want my life back, and if a section is going to do it, so be it.  Judge away people, but don't tell me about it.
 
This pregnancy feels like it's been twice as long as with Freddie.  I've been thinking that at 39 weeks with Freddie I was still working,  putting in five-six miles each day at the park, and at 40+ weeks I stuffed myself into a tutu and flitted around the city half nekkid.  Here I am at 39 weeks and I haven't exercised in weeks.  I use Freddie's stool to plop my behind on to fetch things from the bottom cabinet because I can't bend over.  Taking a shower winds me.  My knees ache, my hands hurt, and I look like hell.

I'm still sick and beginning to become a little concerned about it.  I rebounded some midweek, but today's been pretty bad with my fever back on the rise.  I may call Dr. H tomorrow and ask for a z-pack although I'm not convinced it would help, but at this point I just want something to make me feel better.

There's a list of cleaning and organizing and prepping sitting on the counter and it will never get done.  The most important item not yet scratched off is "spend time as a family, preferably away from the home."  Sadly, that's not happening either and I'm depressed about it.  I do not feel up to doing anything.  I'm not giving Freddie the attention I want him to have before I am gone for several days only to return with the force that's going to rock his world.  I didn't make a cake for Father's Day.  There were no cards or gifts.  Charlie's birthday is Tuesday and it will most likely be a repeat of today, and that just doesn't feel good.

Freddie is changing before my eyes and I'm unable to document it.  I'm not taking pictures.  I'm not blogging.  I'm not remembering how he was yesterday or last week.  Go ahead and say it...it's the beginning of a new era in Mommyhood.  The "I can't keep up" and "There's not enough of me to do everything" phase has begun.  Damn it.

My level of homesickness and desire for familiarity has been turned way up.  I want to deliver PD where I delivered Freddie, the hospital I passed almost daily, where I was a patient for 20 years.  I'm sure we're getting adequate care here, and I've done multiple google searches on Dr. H, and can't find any pending malpractice suits or horrifying stories about him in chat rooms.  Surely the guy knows what he's doing but I think I've seen him 12 times maybe, if even that?

Side note:  I suppose it's worth mentioning I've been having dreams in which my old ob-gyn, Dr. M, has been making appearances wearing only a sarong.  I pass him on the street, he's sitting at the table next to us, he's talking on the phone...in only a sarong.  What's that all about?!?  The guy's bald and middle aged but he seems totally comfortable in that sarong.  I'm filing these dreams under "homesick" and "longs for familiarity"  although not sure what the sarong has to do with either of those because it ain't familiar.

I want a shrimp poboy in the hospital.  I want my family to visit.  I want to come home to our house, our dogs, and have our neighbors craning their necks over the fence to see him.  I hope Tummy Brother forgives me for the State of New York birth certificate.

Also weighing heavy on my mind is my complete ambivalence about having a second child right now.  Please don't misunderstand; Tummy Brother is very much wanted.  We want to grow our family and I'm sure he's just the guy to do that.  But I want my life back.  I want to feel normal.  I want enjoy my time with Freddie.  I want to do fun things on the weekends.  I'm not reflecting on this body carrying its last baby, or trying to enjoy those last few kicks from within.  I am ready to carry on.

And that, folks, is a ride on the crazy train.  It's been a while, hasn't it?  Stay tuned.  Something tells me this is only the beginning.

Part Deux Update

At 38 weeks 2 days:

Blood pressure:  110/60
Fundal height:  39
Weight gain:  +2, +27 overall


PD's heartbeat found right away.  He's high in the uterus.  Internals today, and I called it right:  no progress.  Cervix not showing any signs of delivering a baby any time soon.  Cervix is closed and "maybe a little soft."  

My being sickly is most likely viral he said, but he offered a z-pak which I declined.  He said to call if I am not feeling better in a day or two. 


Today was my last prenatal appointment, unless there's a big change and I am feeling contractions before the scheduled cesarean or if I change my mind about having a cesarean.  Wow.  We are that close.


Labor and delivery will be expecting me next week a few days prior to the cesearan to do bloodwork. 


Next up:  Delivery of PD (aka Tummy Brother) on Thursday, June 23, 10am.  Arrive at hospital at 8am. Fast after midnight the night before....no coffee.

Part Deux Update

At 36 weeks 4 days:

Blood pressure:  110/60 (better)
Fundal height:  38
Weight gain:  +0, +25 overall

Heartbeat found right away. Still head down.  PD kicking like a mad man and measuring big.

Group B culture from last week was positive.  (How'd you know Lesley?)  Anibiotics at delivery, but I imagine only if a vaginal delivery.  Didn't think to ask that.

I asked for any recommendations for the swelling in my hands and wrists and now elbows.  He said he'd rather I not take anything and just suck it up for the next couple of weeks.  Sigh.

He offered an internal check.  No, thanks.  Maybe next week, he added.  No, thanks.

Next appointments:  June 14th, 8.30am and June 21, 8.45 am. 

36 weeks (and 1 day)

Compared to last time around I think it's pretty much equally sized, and reading posts from my pregnancy with Freddie, apparently I was feeling pretty rough, but I honestly don't remember it being this difficult.  I mean that smile in the 36 weeks post in 2009 looks pretty genuine.  Today's smile?  Not so much.

A little of what's going on:

• When I lie down my limbs go numb.  My arms and hands are affected more than my legs.  It is very painful upon waking up, and although it does get better as I move them around, I never fully regain complete strength in my hands.  I have difficulty lifting things and opening bottles and jars.  My grasp is generally weak.
• If it weren't for the painful hands thing I would very much like to lie down 24 hours a day.  Doing anything makes me winded and light headed.  
• I'm not exercising, and that upsets me.  Exercise does a lot for my positive mental attitude.  I just cannot seem to make it happen.  If it is going to happen at all it needs to be as soon as I wake up.  By the time I get everything set for Freddie and I to leave the house in the morning I am ready rest again.
• As much as I try to remind myself how much I'll miss feeling a baby move inside my belly, I wish this kid would quit kicking.  I swear he doesn't sleep.  I know Freddie didn't move this much.  I thought by this point in the game he'd be wedged in there so tight there'd be no movement.  He's constantly causing bulges in my belly, often on both sides at the same time.  
• Charlie's really great.  I know he is gritting his teeth and smiling as I whine, and he looks so cute doing it.  Just the other day he smiled, and raised his eyebrows, as he read over my list of things to do before the baby arrives.  
• Charlie got out my bag to be packed for the hospital.  I am having a hard time remembering what really needs to be in it.
• I did get a nightshirt to wear in the hospital.  I wanted one last time but stayed in my hospital gown the entire stay.  Man, I wish I would have put on something else and a little lip gloss.  Someone change my clothes for me this go round.  Or remind me that my roommate can see my rear end when I walk to the bathroom in the hospital gown.
• Yes, you read that correctly.  I will be having a ROOMMATE in the hospital.  Private postpartum rooms are not standard in New York City.  While they are available for an extra fee, I could have a 3 day spa trip for half the price.
• Where is all of this stuff going to go?  I am slowly purging and reorganizing, but not having any storage space is really a drag.  We looked into renting a storage closet in the basement, but $1000 yearly for a tiny closet?  Ugh.

Part Deux Update

At 35 weeks 2 days:

Blood pressure:  120/80 (a bit high for me, but overall ok)
Fundal height:  36-37
Weight gain:  +3, +25 overall
PD heart rate: 165

Fundal height is measuring a little big. Maybe he's a big guy, or maybe he just wants to stay as high in the uterus as possible.

Ultrasound today to confirm he's head down and he is indeed head down.  Dr. H said he definitely felt his head but did an ultrasound for me to check it out as well.  He let me watch for a while as PD was wiggling around causing some waves on my tummy.  So neat to see the screen and feel those movements.

I gave him my biggest complaint:  Appendages falling asleep when I lie down on my back or on either side.  He said it is due to swelling.  I'm not "that swollen" to be concerned.

No internal checks today.  Whew. He said he'd start checking my cervix if I wanted, but didn't think any dilation or effacement, or lack of, was any indication of when labor would begin.  Maybe we'll check around 38 or 39 weeks. 

Group B strep swab performed today.  I was negative with Freddie so don't anticipate a positive culture.

Scheduled section has been pushed back one day:  Thursday, June 23rd, 10am, arrive at hospital at 8am

Next appointments:  We're weekly from here on out... June 2nd at 8.30am, June 14th at 8.30am

Oh, and sorry about the lack of a 34 week belly picture.  36 week picture will arrive on Sunday.

Part Deux Update

At 32 weeks 1 day:

Blood pressure:  117/78 (a bit high for me, but overall ok)
Fundal height:  32
Weight gain:  +0 for the week, +22 overall

Heartbeat was a bit tricky to find so Dr. H listened to it a while and compared it to my pulse to make sure everything was ok.

No weight gain, thank goodness, since I was just there to see Dr. H last week.  I wonder what three weeks in NOLA will do to that number.

We talked a little about activity since I told him my knees have really been bothering me, something I didn't experience last pregnancy.  And of course he recommended avoiding the activities which cause the most stress to the knee, i.e. squatting down to tend to Freddie.  He thought my treadmill time was fine as long as I didn't feel pain, but thought cutting down to 3-4 miles rather than 5 would be helpful. 

We put a date for the cesarean on the books:  June 22nd.  I opted to go in a few days before I'm due, but if it works out that he is on call the following weekend, I may switch it to the weekend.  We'll revisit this next visit when the June schedule is out for Labor and Delivery. 

Next appointment:  May 24th, 8am.

32 Weeks

Oh my, I'm big.  I do get some comfort in reading that I felt big last time around, although I think I'm a little on the heftier side this pregnancy.  I am definitely feeling more tired.  Getting dressed and then getting Freddie dressed requires a break before we can leave the house.  Lots of things require a break midway through...unloading the dishwasher, folding clothes, climbing a flight of stairs.

Freddie and I are headed to NOLA on Tuesday and I'm actually a little concerned I won't be able to do most of what I would like because everything feels physically challenging these days.

Part Deux is moving lots and lots.  Sometimes he moves so drastically it's a bit painful.  Freddie is taking great care of the baby, raising my shirt so he can listen to stories or see the television or get cozy cuddles.  I will miss that when PD is on the outside, but please, please, please let Freddie not think there is still a baby in there once PD is here. 

I see Dr. H tomorrow.  Nothing pressing to discuss, just a last check in before heading out of town for 3 weeks.

Part Deux Update

At 30 weeks 5 days:

Blood pressure:  100/60
Fundal height:  31
Weight gain:  +3 for the month, +22 overall (+20 at home)

Heartbeat found right away.  Everything looking good.

Short and sweet appointment.  He suggested my next appointment be with another doctor in the group (there are 3) just to get acquainted, although he said there's not much chance anyone other than himself will be delivering Part Deux. 

We touched base on my feelings about delivery and talked about postpartum recovery time.

Next appointments: 

• May 2nd, 1.15 pm with Dr. H.  Upcoming travel plans and general scheduling issues did not really allow me to conveniently get in with one of his partners.  
• 35 week appointment on May 24th, 8am.

30 Weeks (and 1 day)

A day late. 

Sick toddler. 

Breathing heavy. 

Getting light headed.

Fat fluid filled fingers. 

Skipping treadmill time for naps. 

Hot flashes. 

Insomnia. 

Bigger this time around. 

Gaining weight at warp speed.

I think I'm pleasant. 

Charlie might disagree.

Part Deux Update

At 28 weeks 1 day:

Blood pressure:  100/70
Fundal height:  28
Weight gain:  +4 for the month, +19 overall

Glucose results from last appointment:  118 with anything below 130 being a pass

Everything looks good.  Heartbeat was appropriate, baby is moving, weight gain is fine, glucose was normal.  Charlie says this was Dr. H's way of saying stop complaining.  Smile.  I was feeling faint this morning and Charlie gets more than just a little worried when I have an ailment other than "I'm tired."

We spent some time talking about delivery.  60-70% chance success rate for VBACs.  He said he is very supportive and encouraging of VBACs but also read my hesitation.  He thought it important to consider the reason for previous sections when deciding, so we talked a little about Freddie's birth.  He also listened to my concerns about recovery.  He thought it best to go ahead and get a date on the books for the section and then make a "game day" decision as the date approached.  If my water breaks or laboring begins prior to that date, we'll check my progress and I can make a decision then if I want to try the VBAC.  If my cervix appears long and closed as it was with Freddie and it looks like it may be a long haul then I can always call it at any time and opt for the section.  Hearing that made me feel better.

He didn't recommend scheduling a section for much earlier than my due date.  He though a few days before the due date is a safe bet, but we had a little flexibility in that as well.  He pretty much told me not to even think about trying to take the baby early.  No arguments from me. We left it as we'd talk about it again on our next visit, and he also said as I mull it over to call him and we can always chat about it over the phone if that'd help me come to some sort of resolution.  I actually feel much better about the whole situation.  Having control and not feeling pressure to make a firm decision now really helps.

We're on a every two weeks appointment schedule now.  That means we're close! 

Next appointments:  April 22nd, 8.30 am & May 2nd 1.15pm

28 Weeks

Hello, Third Trimester!

PD is moving around so much more than I remember Freddie moving in utero.  Perhaps he did and, sadly, it is just that easy to forget.  We're at that stage where I can lie down and watch the waves move across my belly has he wiggles about.

This weekend I managed to get my last box of baby supplies shipped from NOLA unpacked and situated, so now's there more room in the hall to stack the rest of the boxes which will arrive in May.  I went through a big box of onesies and "gender neutral" clothes I had shipped before we knew PD was a he.  Everything seems so tiny and it was as though Freddie was just wearing them.

I'll be in NOLA for most of May so I plan on trying to get everything all set before leaving because I know those final few weeks in June will fly by.  I don't feel like there's much to do though.  I'll wash the crib bedding, set up the cosleeper, and maybe do one final reorganization of the closet.  I honestly don't know where we'll put everything but we'll figure it out.

I finally ordered the stroller.  I'm pretty excited about it and will post pictures as soon as it arrives.  It was a big investment but being that is my mode of transportation in the city, it was necessary.

The only other thing going on as we enter the third trimester is my indecision about whether or not I should attempt a VBAC.  I had felt 99.9% certain that I just wanted a repeat section, but lately I've been worried about what the few weeks after we come home will look like and having a potentially shorter recovery time may be absolutely necessary.

Delivering vaginally didn't exactly go as planned last time.  My water broke in the early morning and I still wasn't having contractions by late morning.  Pitocin didn't get me anywhere and I only progressed to about 5 cm.  After spiking a fever 24 hours after my water had broken I was wheeled off to have a section.  BUT...I did have an early epidural and it was my first delivery, and I've read that combination, coupled with pitocin, can yield a higher rate of cesareans.

However, I don't want to go through 24 hours of labor again only to end up having a cesarean and being exponentially exhausted.  There's something nice about planning, having a date and time of arrival, now that I have Freddie's care to plan for.  But the flip side it I don't want to "induce" labor in any way.  I want him to cook as long as needed.

I'm hoping Dr. H has some guidance when I see him tomorrow.  As well as a little third trimester pep talk!

26 Weeks (and 1 day)

Sorry, forgot yesterday. My mind is quite scattered and I have a hard time remembering a lot of stuff lately.

Lots of movement these days.  He's pushing on all sides and seems to be hanging out on the left hand side of my belly.  Wonder if that's a foot or a hand or a head I'm always feeling up there.

Feeling tired....really, really tired.  I don't even know why I say it anymore.  It's written all over my face.  My back has been feeling better although I feel it when I've had a busy day.  Charlie has been picking up lots of household responsibilites in the evening and on the weekends and the extra rest for me really makes a difference.

I'm not exercising as much as I did last time around.  I am managing to get on the treadmill about 4 times a week.  Not as much time second time around, and with the fatigue being increased this time, napping often wins out over the treadmill.  

Nesting is kicking in and I am trying to figure out where everything is going to go.  Freddie's closet is getting an overhaul in organization.

Freddie kisses the belly often.  He brings it stickers and shows it books.  He loves his "wittle brover"...for now anyway.  Fingers crossed this tenderness continues once the real deal is on the scene.

Oh, and still no names. 

Part Deux Update

At 25 weeks 2 days:

Blood pressure:  96/50 (seems low, but said it was fine)
Fundal height:  26
Weight gain:  +5 for the month, +15 overall (+13 at home)

I was happy that I had an appointment this morning.  I may have even called for one last week had this one not been so close.  I haven't been feeling well lately.  I've actually been feeling really, really blah, actually.  I needed a little reassurance that everything was ok. 

Dr. H found PD's heartbeat right away and felt him moving, surely due to to orange "cocktail" I just sucked down for the glucose screening.  He didn't have any concerns, chalked my backache up to sciatica, and my feeling whipped and winded all the time to the fast approaching third trimester and being home with a two year old all day.  His recommendation: lie down whenever possible. 

Glucose screening was today and he'll call tomorrow only if there are any problems.  He did want me to come back in 3 weeks, however.

Next appointment:  Monday, April 4th, 10am.

24 Weeks

16 more weeks has been what I've been saying all day.  Seems like right around the corner to me, but Charlie's thinking it's an eternity.  I haven't been feeling too hot, and I haven't been keeping it to myself.  I'm mostly just tired, but I've been having some contractions along with the usual pregnancy aches and pains.

Freddie's been talking about his brother a lot and that makes me smile, and this babe moves nonstop so I've been trying to stop for a few moments here and there to enjoy that. 

16 more weeks...have I said that already???

Mama and her boy

My boy.  My baby boy.  My BFF.  I've been thinking quite a bit about how life will change for him this summer and beyond. 

My grandmother used to comment that bringing a new baby home for an older sibling would be a lot like your husband bringing home another woman.  I've been thinking about that a lot and the closeness of my relationship with Freddie.  I wonder what our time together will look like.  How will I make both boys feel special and loved.  How do I avoid competition and comparison.  What if the little brother is bigger than the big brother. 

I don't doubt my capacity to love both or Freddie's capacity to love his brother.  But parenting two boys?  I suppose I'll do my best, try to make informed parenting decisions, and carry on, but really, I'm feeling a bit nervous.

22 weeks (and one day)

Sorry, forgot to take a picture yesterday!

I am weary from traveling solo with the belly and the boy, and goodness it shows.  Feeling fine, just tired and I get winded so easily, especially when squatting down to help Freddie with something, such as examining the toilet paper stuck to the wheels of the stroller in the public bathroom in the airport. 

The baby supplies I fished out of storage and shipped from NOLA have arrived and are just sitting in boxes in the foyer.  Not sure what to do with it all.  I am needing some time to sit and sort and organize.  Now that I know he's a boy I can go ahead and ship the clothes in storage as well.  Not a clue as to where it will all go.  Perhaps another dresser is needed in the boys' room.  (Love saying "the boys' room", by the way.)

Not feeling the need for anything for this baby, which I suppose is a good thing.  I do need to figure out which double stroller we'll get and what we'll do with our current strollers.

I am feeling the need for maternity shirts, however.  My belly has begun to peek out the bottom of my t-shirts.  I shipped up a box of maternity clothes I used last time around, but no t-shirts since most of those had more than their share of wear and were tossed.  I am also on the hunt for some summer time "formal" wear for Charlie's commencement when I am 34+ weeks pregnant if anyone has anything to lend or any suggestions of something flattering and inexpensive. 

Eating and growing... and craving more sleep.  18 weeks to go.  Feeling a little excited as I type that.

Part Deux Update

At 21 weeks 2 days:

Blood pressure:  100/60
Fundal height: 21
Weight gain: +6 for the month, + 10 overall, YIKES!

Everything looks good.  Normal.  That's all.  Nice, right?

And about that weight gain, the gain for the month (actually five weeks) is a little more than a pound a week.  Not too bad but I am eating A LOT and a lot of junk.  I'm a couple pounds ahead of where I was with Freddie at this time.  I'm not worried about 10 pounds in 21 weeks, but I do like to make sure I'm staying healthy...taking another bite of lasagna for breakfast as I type.

Next appointment:  March 15th, 8.15 am, Glucose screening.

Naming Part Deux

Tonight when asked what he wanted to call the baby Freddie thought for a minute and then responded "Thumper" and of course "Bambi" soon followed. 

That may be all we have come late June because neither Charlie or I have any ideas.  I am thinking it's going to take seeing this guy before we come up with something.

Definitely boy

Yep, that's his penis right there...

His profile...

 And a little closer...

Not too many great shots since he was face down, and awfully wiggly, but it amazes me to see him there.

Brothers!

Freddie is getting a little brother.  Part Deux is a BOY! 

At 20 weeks, 1 day he measured 20 weeks, 3 days.  He weighed in at 14 oz. 

All measurements were within the normal range so the technician did not see any flags to be concerned for down syndrome or spina bifida.  There was no evidence of a cleft palate, club feet, or water on the brain.  Brain measurements were perfect.  He has two kidneys that appear to be filling appropriately and the bladder seems to be functioning.  The four chambers of the heart were visible as it pumped away.  The umbilical cord connection was fine.  I was able to count five fingers on each hand as he held both hands over his face.  "Leave me alone" he was saying as she poked at my belly trying to get him to shift.  He was face down, head down.

Charlie missed the ultrasound to stay home with Freddie who decided to sleep in this morning after having some trouble with sleep last night due to cutting those back molars.  We were both disappointed for him to miss it, but that's just part of parenting, right?

I have a few images but can't get the scanner working, but hopefully they'll be up later.  In the mean time I need to start thinking about names.  We had some girl names picked out from last time around, but we're both at a loss for what to name a little brother.