Sleep Cycles

I love watching him on the monitor

We've reached a milestone:  Hans is in his crib at night.  The boys are now sharing a room.  Sounds so cute and cozy, but the reality is there wasn't any other option.  We're not saving that third bedroom for an office or a playroom or a man cave....there is no third bedroom in this apartment. 

Hans transitioned from the cosleeper right next to me to the travel crib three feet from me around 12 weeks.  He was holding on to one middle of the night nursing and I pretty much knew it was because he'd wake, lift his head, and see me.  Naturally his thoughts upon seeing me at 2am wandered straight to wanting the boob.  So I kicked Charlie out of the bedroom for a few nights and positioned myself on his side of the bed, out of sight.  Sure enough one or two nights and there were only a few whimpers and he began sleeping straight through. 

Sleep through the night.  CHECK

When I decide to do something I really do it, so I rode the wave of momentum and moved the boy right to his crib after that.  The first few nights were rocky, as to be expected.  Freddie handled the middle of the night endless screaming with grace and his fingers in his ears and pillow over his head.  The kid's good for a laugh even when I'm pretty much at the end of my rope. 

Freddie's been rather excited about having Hans in the crib next to him.  He's been telling me he is more than capable of soothing Hans at night and promised to return to his bed right after telling him "It's ok, Freddie's here."  Sure enough, he's gotten up to soothe him "in the middle of the night," around 5am.  My heart literally explodes with love, pride, happiness, I don't even know what, when I hear that little voice at 5am (Yes, 5am!) through the monitor talking so sweetly to his brother. 

It's been about a week now though, and at 5am I just really want everyone to still be sleeping.  Day before yesterday at 5.30 am the voice through the monitor called "Mama, Hans is pooping. Can you come get him?"  And this morning Freddie skipped the sweet talk, ran past The Daddy's side of the bed, and grabbed my foot.  "Hans is awake.  Can you come see?" 

Hans' circadian rhythms (and bowels and TEETH) seem to have him stuck in an early wake up pattern.  I also think he's not quite used to being in the crib yet and he becomes alert during those early morning sleep cycles rather than allowing himself to doze another hour or so.  I've shifted the bedtime later as well as earlier with not much success in altering the wake up time, although everything will be all shook up next week when we travel.

Even worse than dealing with one kid awake at 5am is dealing with two kids awake at 5am.  And even worse than that is dealing with those same two kids and their Mama at 5pm.  Poor Charlie coming home to a house full of grumps. 

I'm trudging on.  I mean, what else can I do?  It won't be like this forever.  Right???

To nap or not to nap

The side of the crib is dropped so Freddie is able to reach in to put everyone down for nap and bedtime

It is not unusual for Freddie to ask to lie down or tell me he's tired and ready to get in bed.  He's a very willing participant in the entire winding down for nap time routine of books, potty, perhaps a song or two, and tucking in the babies.  He rubs his eyes during stories and shows all the signs of needing a nap.  I kiss him, he asks for a hug, and tells me "see you soon" and off I go.  It's then that everything falls apart. 

He has so much to do in bed, all alone without anything, to be bothered with falling asleep.  We've moved his babies and Tigey to napping in the crib rather than in bed with him since they tended to be distracting, but even with only his pillow and blanket the kid can find something to keep himself entertained and napless for over three hours.  He'll stand the pillow up, reach around the heater vent checking things out, peer out the crack at the bottom of the blinds, practice arm circles he learned at gym class.  All of that interesting stuff, and then there's that potty that lures him out of bed on occasion. 

For the most part, he's content to stay in his room, in his bed, from 1-4pm and entertain himself. About once a week he'll get up and go to the potty, and sometimes he calls me to partake and other times he doesn't.  He's not upset, lonely, or at all worried about his Mama.  He never calls or complains or asks to get out of bed.  He's busy.

He needs to nap.  I need him to nap.  Without a nap it's not a very pleasant evening for any of us.  Over the past few days in the interest of family harmony I have resorted to sitting in his room at nap, giving him the evil eye any time he shifts in his bed or opens his eyes.  And wouldn't you know it, the kid is asleep in less than 10 minutes.  He sleeps soundly for a good 2.5-3 hours. 

He's not happy with me in there, however.  He tells me "bye" or "go" repeatedly.  He obviously has some foolishness to tend to and I am standing in the way. 

Being two is tough.  Everything is so interesting.  That makes sleeping a chore.  Interestingly enough, this isn't a problem at night, perhaps because it's too dark for him to see anything of interest.  Wondering what bedtime will look like after we "spring forward" an hour this weekend and tucking him in at 7pm will be in broad daylight. 

I'd rather not sit in his room to aide in sleep.  It's not the time I mind or having my face in a scowl for the ten minutes it takes him to doze off.  I just don't want to be a crutch.  I'm afraid this has the potential to become his needing *me* and not just the evil eye to fall asleep.  I'm considering trying music or stories on tape (tape = ipod) as something for his mind to focus on and his body to be still.  My other choice is to just enjoy that he's in his room, quiet, and resting (?) and hope he eventually begins to give in to napping on his own.  He does give in to sleep on his own about half of the time, but sometimes it takes 2-3 hours for this to happen and I end up waking him in an effort to maintain a reasonable bedtime.  Not sure how any of this will work or if I should just try to wait out this phase.  Everything is just a phase after all, the good and the bad. 

Afternoon nap

He didn't want to nap without his book today. And he quickly discovered he couldn't get comfortable with the book in one hand and the toothbrush in the other, but there was no way he was letting go of either. I watched him try a few positions before I finally left him. I could hear him chattering for a while and when it got quiet I peeked in.


Poor little guy. I snapped a few photos and just looked at him for a while before finally picking him up and helping him get settled.


He still held on to the book, but I suppose he was tired enough that it didn't matter if the corner was poking him in the head.

Pavlov would be proud

Moments after "reading" Doggies to himself and turning the pages and pointing and saying "dog" Freddie brought the other book on the floor, Is Your Mama a Llama, over to me. This is the second day in a row that he's brought me a book. So we sat in the rocker and read the book. And in minutes I was setting him down on his tummy in the crib.

This is his sleep time ritual. I read Is Your Mama a Llama every time there's to be sleep, along with any other book he chooses. As soon as I start reading, even if he had been giving no cues of needing sleep, he begins yawning and rubbing his eyes. I inevitably begin yawning too.


After taking nursing out of the sleep routine mix, I amped up our sleep rituals. Nothing monumental : Read two books, one always being Is Your Mama a Llama (it has a nice cadence), turn off the lights, sing (or hum) "When the Saints Go Marching In", give a kiss on his head, say "I love you" and then he's all set and ready to get comfy in his crib.

I had been thinking we'd add a little cuddling with a "special" blanket or other lovie but I decided it may be best to avoid that in case the blanket or lovie got lost, needed washing, or had to go to high school with him.

Curious to see how this routine translates when we are out of town.

Knock on Wood

Waiting for breakfast after good night's sleep.
Love having a camera on my phone.

The boy slept last night.

We began sleep training, although I hadn't planned on it until next week when Charlie's schedule settled down a bit so he could be on the front line. But when your highness called at 11.30 pm on Wednesday night and kicked his legs in excitement when he laid eyes on me approaching his crib I just decided in that instant to not nurse him. Mean Mommy. It went something like this...

• Wednesday: In bed by 6.00pm. 11.30 pm crying. Scoop him up, attempt to sing and rock him to soothe him. I felt bad at first, but after the little sucker wouldn't have any of it after 20 minutes straight I felt a bit over it. He would barely even let me hold him, leaning back, squirming around. So I plopped him back in his crib with the intention of returning in 15 minutes and trying again. At 14 minutes he settled and so I just listened. And by 20 minutes he was back asleep. He didn't wake up again until 5.30 am, smiling and hungry.
• Thursday: In bed by 6.00pm. 12.00 am crying. Scoop him up and sit in the rocker. He shows no indication of expecting to nurse and puts his head on my shoulder and tucks his hands under him, an indication of his trying to get back to sleep. I rock with him for 5 minutes and put him down. He cries for five minutes and then goes to sleep. We have the same routine at 2.00 am and 3.00 am. At 4.00 am I give in, nurse him, and bring him to bed with me. I wondered if he was cold or if his tooth was finally coming through. We sleep until 6.15am.
• Friday: In bed by 6.00 pm. Sleeps all night. I hear a little cry three times during the night, but it only lasts a minute each time. I can finally here him babbling in this crib at 4.30 am so I tip toed in there and watched him for a bit. I think he would have gone back to sleep, but he saw me and was very excited. So he nursed and went back to bed with me and we slept until 7.00 am.

Really? I read all those books and just not feeding him was all it took? Sheesh.

I'm not quite declaring a victory but this is looking promising.

Now that's what I'm talkin' about

Freddie's slumber last night:

• Sleep: 6.30 pm-11.30pm
• Nurse, both sides, back to sleep
• Sleep: 11.50pm-5.30am
• Nurse, both sides, back to sleep
• Sleep: 5.50am-8.15am

Whoot! That's 14 hours of sleep! Amazing. He's been doing a similar schedule after working things out post weekend trip to OKC.

I've read 4 books on sleep, and am now feeling better about sleep habits on Bordeaux.

The Baby Sleep Book by William Sears: This one stinks. A little too wishy washy for my taste. I don't even know how to describe it beyond that. I loved Dr. Sears' Pregnancy Book and the Baby Book is good too but this one was not very helpful. I also must say though that the content it is not completely unexpected given Dr. Sears's philosophies on parenting and child rearing.

Babywise by Gary Ezzo: Somewhat helpful in that it was my first read of babies living in cycles of 3-4 hours with 1/2 to 1/3 of that time being spent asleep. It is the polar opposite of Dr. Sears' book. It recommends schedules over cues and signals from your baby and recommends letting babies cry it out. It also firmly opposes cosleeping. I am not a cosleeping type parent but the rigidity of it all was a turnoff.

Ferber's Solve your Child's Sleep Problems: This is the method that EVERYONE recommends and says they've employed with success but NO ONE has been able to give me details about it. I want to know exactly how others have implemented Ferber techniques with their babies, how long they let babies cry, how they soothed, and how long babies took to adapt. We tossed around the idea of doing this but I wanted to hear the nitty gritty detail of doing it to figure out exactly how we were going to do it.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Mark Weissbluth: This has been the most helpful book. You know why? Because it affirms what is already happening in our house. Ha! How do you like that?!?

Before I get into that, the book appealed to me from the start because I have firm beliefs, backed by current medical research, that adequate sleep has an enormous impact on overall health and happiness and the book echoed that sentiment, discussing the importance of adequate sleep for a baby. I certainly think the amount of sleep people (and babies) need varies, although often underestimated, but overall I don't think enough importance is given to adequate sleep.

So on to how it discussed out current sleep situation. Most of what I read recommended a good 13-15 hours of sleep for a baby Freddie's age. The schedule set forth in this book:

1. Wake at 6am, but many babies will return to sleep after a bottle or nursing or just a bit of wake time. Freddie is right there, and he can be lulled back to sleep if I focus.
2. Morning nap lasting at least an hour, preferably 2. Now we are not hitting that 2 our nap length but he does get an hour.
3. Afternoon nap lasting an hour, preferably 2. Again, not 2 hours, but napping.
4. Sometimes babies like a late afternoon nap. Freddie will sneak in a little nap around 4.00pm sometimes.
5. Early bedtime, meaning 6pm. Freddie has no problem going to bed at 6.30 pm.
6. Breastfed babies wake once or twice a night because they are hungry and should be fed, (Yes! I knew it.) but they should return to sleep without issue. Freddie does just this.

I was really, really happy to read that whole "feed the hungry baby" part. I had trouble with the thought of not feeding a hungry Bug. The book recommends a schedule but it has more fluidity than what Babywise outlined.

BUT, I must say that if your baby is not following the sleep patterns recommended in the book, it recommends some sleep training, and the recommended methods of sleep training were far more hardcore than the Ferber methods, i.e. letting baby cry for at least an hour and even if your baby cries enough to make himself vomit, wait until he has gone to sleep before cleaning him up.

Freddie sometimes gets into a pattern of waking every 2 hours and so I imagine during these times some "training" would be appropriate, but I am not so sure I'd be carrying out the methods recommended here. It is those times actually that I find the most frustrating because I thrive on predictability. No comments from the peanut gallery needed on that last statement.

The book also discusses bed time routines, something we currently have, but are looking to expand to help Freddie sleep better when we travel. (This is an appropriate place for the peanut gallery to weight in!)

I suppose the most comforting thing is just knowing that I am not necessarily doing something that is going to forever ruin Freddie. I don't want to feel like I am doing something to contribute to or prolong bad habits.

Next up: The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, by Tracy Hogg.

And by the way, we are also in the midst of reading parenting books too. The current selection is Love and Logic by Jim Fay. Any recommendations here would be appreciated as well.

Back to it?

He slept. After a rocky start he finally slept for 9 straight hours, 8-4. He nursed at 4am and slept until 7.

I have no idea what, if anything, is different.

It is all a mystery.

Nap

Can you see him in there? I can't take my eyes off
him as I try to nap on the couch each day.

We're back to day one on night time sleeping. It's only coming in 2-3 hour stretches. What I had thought was a growth spurt is dragging on for quite some time.

I've tried the cereal and that didn't work. He's been put down on his tummy and that didn't work. I've restricted naps and that didn't work. I've increased naps and that didn't work.

He's going down in the evening without a problem, between 6:30-7:30 just as always. He's napping just the same. The only difference I've noticed in him is his nursing habits. He's not eating the same.

He's been considerably fussy during nursing, pulling away, arching his back. He's also been burping more during nursing as well.

Of course my grandmother thinks this is all related to me leaving him to work for a few days, giving him the bottle, and his being certain he gets enough time on the boob. No, she isn't a secret agent for the hard core lactation consultants at the hospital, but she is of a different era. I don't even want to think about what she'd say if he were in day care full time. But she has given me some sound advice that spans every generation of mothering: if he's doing it, he needs it...and it won't last forever.

I just hope this isn't an indication that my milk supply is inadequate forcing him to feed at night or that he's having reflux making it uncomfortable to nurse. I'm watching him, noting nursing times in a log, and hoping this passes soon.

For now I'll look at this as an excuse to keep him next to me in our room a little longer, reason to nurse him more frequently, and a reminder that I can give him what he needs.