Gratitude

Sitting among boxes and disarray I'm taking inventory.

I am thankful for:

• A devoted, caring, patient husband. Yes, patient. He's got it when it matters most.
• A smiley babe, who I am beginning to think is bossy
  
• Offers of help, if only I knew what would make everything easier
• Validations of my feelings of sadness, fear, and frustration
• A pantry that continues to allow me to come up with filling, although not so conventional, meals served on paper plates
• Strong legs to take me on long stress relieving walks
• An opportunity for a new chapter in our lives
• Tylenol PM
  
• The insight to understand that this too will pass, the end is in sight, and everything will be ok
  

15 months

Sorry, Love, your pillow is packed to move

Motor skills:

• You've finally figured out how to get yourself up from sitting to standing so there's really no stopping you anymore. You are constantly running off. There are plenty of face plants because you're pretty reckless and you have the scraped knee or bruised forehead most days to prove it. It always surprises me that you don't cry. No time for that I suppose.
  
• You are very much interested in going up and down the stairs. You know to reach out and ask for "help." I love hearing you say "help down." Thank you for waiting.
• You'll climb into your chair and pull yourself out. If your hands are full it takes a while before you decide to finally put something down so you're able to use your hands to pull yourself up. Then you give me the look so I know to bring you your items.

Vocabulary:

• Help
• Touchdown! After spiking the ball, of course
  
• Up
• Down
• Sip
• Duck
  
• Yes, said with purpose
• No and you've finally come to realize that it doesn't have to be so emphatic and you will still get the desired effect
• You are repeating lots of words now. If I name something you'll try it out, over and over and over.
  
• You are now able to point to Mama's belly, nose, and ears along with yours. I think you know where your mouth is too.
• I can tell you to do something and you do it! Wow! Bring this to me, come over here, Let's got this way, Stop and wit for Mommy. You are a pretty good listener.
  
• I think you said poopoo today when you made a poop!
• You are also very interested in using a "quiet voice" and whispering. So cute when we whisper back and forth.
• You make noises for you cars, trucks, tractors, trains, and boats now as you push them along.

Diet:

• Milk
• Water
• pb&j
• Grilled cheese
• Falafel
• Rare hamburger..it's gotta be rare
  
• Noodles and tomato sauce
• Graham crackers
• Banana bread and you'll eat the nuts now too

Likes:

• You love riding your bike through the neighborhood. I'll find you at the front door reaching for the knob and when I open the door for you you hop and try to buckle yourself in.
• Being chased. There are lots of giggles.
• The curvy slide at the playground.
• Swinging
• Playing with the big kids. Each and every one of them gets a hug if they stand still for long enough. You'll also toss in some fake laughs when they laugh just to follow along with the group.
• Driving. There are a few steering wheels on the playground equipment and you have claimed them as yours, even telling someone "no" today as she attempted to steer. You gave in when corrected. Oh goodness, Freddie. You must share.
• The dogs. You'll give them gentle pats and big hugs. Poor Muppey Dog is so gentle with you. He even lets you hold onto his tail as he walks around.
• Giving kisses. You lean in with a big open mouth on my cheek for good night kisses. You also blow kisses to folks.
• Diving onto the dog beds or a pile of laundry. I promise you can have a beanbag chair as soon as we move.

Kiss!

Appearance:

• Still rather slight. I'm hoping for 19 lbs at the doctor next week.
• A farmer's tan!
  
• Blonde, for sure
• A mullet that your father is threatening to cut. I'm ready for a cut as well, but would rather Andrea trim it up.
  
• I think your tooth count is up to 14 with the lower canines peeking through this week. You are cutting your upper canines as well.

Dislikes:

• Diaper changes, especially since I don't let you help. Yuck. You have moved from handing me the wipes to wanting to wipe yourself.

Sleeping:

• The sleeping has become 7 to 6 lately, and this week it has been creeping a little earlier than 6. I wonder if your teething right now is playing a role in this.
• Napping for 2-3 hours each day, usually between 12-3pm. I think maybe I need to get this pushed back to 1pm but your early wake up makes it tough.

I love watching you drink.
You always make everything look so refreshing and delicious.

Personality:

• Talkative
• Outgoing
• Easygoing
• Loving
  

Movers

I know I'll want this information at a later date, and archiving it here is easier than finding it in the file cabinet. And that mega cabinet of ours may have to undergo some major downsizing in our new itty bitty pad.

Anyway, it was nearly impossible for me to get much information on the cost of moving with professional movers outside the city. Online sites pretty much collect your information and then call you with the hard sell. Perhaps someone finding themselves here will be able to use the information.

Both United and Allied movers wanted to send someone out to give an estimate, which I understand, but I really wanted just some ballpark figures to help me proceed. After I twisted some arms, refused to make an appointment, and let them know I wouldn't be doing anything without first getting some basic information they both gave it.

United estimates the furnishings of a 2 bedroom apartment (the amount of stuff we plan on moving) to weigh 5000 lbs. I asked if this was a generous or conservative estimate and he really wouldn't say either way....that's why we need to see your stuff, lady. To load, transport it 1300 miles, and then unload 5000 lbs three days later was going to cost $3400-3700.

Allied just said they thought a 2 bedroom apartment would cost anywhere from $2000-3500 to load, transport 1300 miles, and unload.

PODS will drop off a storage container, 8x8x16ft. She said that each container fits about 4 rooms. After the container is loaded, it will be picked up and delivered 1300 miles away. Since we are looking for delivery in Manhattan, the driver must remain with the truck so there is an extra charge included ($60 per hour with a four hour minimum) in the $2640 estimate we received. (If we need two containers the cost increases to $4822.) We'll need to hire/find help to load and unload some large items so there will be some other costs to add in. The loading, transporting, and unloading must happen within a month or there will be additional charges. ($199 a month if it remains on your property, I think.)

We're going with PODS. Once they remove the unit from our house in June it will be taken to Long Island and they will store it (climate controlled) until August when we arrive. The storage will cost an additional $250 a month beyond June. I was surprised to learn that we can have access to our storage container at anytime without any additional fees...if we are in Long Island. I suppose I should look into having them store it in Louisiana during the months we are still here in case we need access and then transporting it the week before we leave.

So there it is. Moving is damn expensive. I estimate that when all is said and done we are looking at nearly $5000 to get us relocated to NYC.

Let me ask you a question, he says

On the phone setting up our POD, the man on the other end of the line, a Floridian I believe, says he's got to ask something.

"How do you like living there? I mean I have had a few friends that went for a visit and they just stayed. I mean, they didn't want to leave. They love it, even after all that's happened there. Is it really that great?"

At 11.55 am Meltdown #18 of the day is now in full effect.

"Wow. I guess I really need to get there."

Yes. Yes you do.

Things I'd like to know...

• What will our address sound like?
• Who will we see on our walks?
• What will my house key look like?
• Will folks smile?
• Is throwing elbows in the grocery store really necessary?
• Will I be warm enough in January?
• What noises will I hear at night?
• Will people stop and smile at Freddie?
• Where will I get my newspaper?
• When will the neighbors begin leaving their apartments each morning?
• Is anybody gonna say "Who Dat!" to us on Sundays?

Onward

Done:

• Charlie has accepted a position for the fall.
• We are moving. To New York City.
  
• We have a contract on the house. Closing is set for June 16th.
  
• 25 large boxes are packed so far. Packing supplies are making their way into the house little by little.
• We have a temporary place to live for a few months before we head out. It ain't the Ritz, so hopefully it will be a motivator to get the rest worked out ASAP.
  

Things that need to happen:

• Charlie has a dissertation to write.
  
• Find loving homes for our dogs. Sigh.
• Finish packing.
  
• Get a storage unit for stuff that won't fit in our new home. Did I mention we are moving to New York City?
• Move and store the stuff we'll be taking.
  
• Sell a car and a truck.
• Find movers for the first phase here in NOLA and again for the second phase of leaving NOLA and again for the third phase of arriving in NYC.
  
• Make a trip to NYC to investigate housing. Really make a trip to begin easing into the idea of life outside of New Orleans.
  
• Find some work for me. I've had a few leads that have just fizzled, sadly.
  
• Investigate potential childcare for Freddie if I do end up finding employment.
• A garage sale.
• Get better sleep.
  

Lovin'

• Our neighborhood
• Walking everywhere
• A new playground
• Bike rides
• Bike bells and a tiny index finger
  
• Purging closets, shelves, cabinets
• Sunshine
  
• New recipes
• Packing tape
• A polished resume
• Dinner plans
  

Overheard at bathtime

Freddie, the last time I have seen feet this dirty was on Steven W. the morning after the MOMs ball.

Oh, Freddie. I cannot even begin to imagine the tales your father has for you.

A new ride

Freddie got a "bike." We opted for the Kettler Jumbo Tricycle. It came with a seat belt and has a larger seat so it seemed a better fit for a little guy. We also added a bell, a front basket, and a footrest. The footrest seemed to be a perfect way to keep his feet up since he can't reach the pedals but it doesn't seem to be working as it should. (Please do not even question whether or not Charlie has properly installed it. But if you do have any other ideas to get it to work better, please let me know!)

We considered the model that allows for the rear wheels to pivot for easier turning control for parents. This would be helpful for a heavier child, but I actually felt like this one had more control. I hope Freddie's pedaling before he's too heavy.


We opted for the bike now because some kid inevitably shows up at the playground on one every day and Freddie immediately heads over to check it out. He'll hover and wait for the owner get up but the instant he sees it's empty he hops on. Most kids freak out and have a meltdown when they see him near, touching, or on their bikes. Freddie's oblivious to the havoc he's causing as the parent restrains their nearly hysterical kid on the other side of the playground while insisting that they share.

I had thought we'd wait until Christmas for the bike but I figured I'd make life easier on all these bikers at the playground. I imagine we'll be having our own lessons in sharing real soon.


He looks like a fat man on a rascal scooter riding around. He waves to everyone as he lets on leg dangle off the side. He's also into ringing the bell and tossing everything into the front basket. I hope he loves it as much as I love seeing him on it!

Swinging

We seem to have business to attend to every afternoon.



Very important business.


It usually takes us to the playground on Napoleon Ave. but we're checking out the play area at the Wisner Playground for a change of scenery. So nice to have two spots within a 5 minute walk.



He'll poke around and fool around with some of the equipment but he would be content to hang on the swings the entire time.


Oops. Excuse me.


Need to make a phone call.


Ok. Everything is taken care of.



Carry on.



Resume pushing, please.

Key Lime Pie

Ingredients:

• 1 bag of Key limes (about 20 key limes) - $2.00 (this is enough to make two pies)
• 1 can condensed milk
• 1 regular sized container of cool whip
• 1 graham cracker crust (homemade or store bought)

Directions:

1. Make sure your cool whip is semi-thawed
2. Over a mixing bowl, squeeze 10 key limes using your lime press. Make sure that no seeds are in the bowl after you're finished.
3. Mix into the lime juice 1 can of condensed milk
4. Mix in the semi-thawed cool whip
5. Stir ingredients to taste.
6. Pour mixture into graham cracker crust
7. Freeze for at least 1 hour before serving.
8. Keep frozen for best results.
   

Ta-dah!

Pulled Pork

This is a pretty popular meal on Bordeaux. I usually serve it up on a bun or pistolette topped with coleslaw and a side of corn pudding or mac and cheese. I know some folks would love it slathered in BBQ sauce.

Ingredients:

• Pork Butt...that's the cut folks. Love me some pig behind. Boston Butt and Pork shoulder are good too. I am not sure if it's the same cut of meat though, but it works. I think I usually get one that's about 4 lbs. Sometimes I get the one with the bone, depending on what's on sale. It is pretty fatty though.
  
• 1 cup vinegar, white or apple cider
• 1/2 cup water
• Seasoning salt or cajun seasoning or salt and pepper
• 1/2 cup worchestire sauce

Directions:

• In a dutch oven, brown all sides of pork over medium heat.
• Add remaining ingredients. Be generous with the seasoning.
• Cover and place in 350 degree oven for 3-4 hours or until pork is tender.
• Remove pork from pan and allow to cool.
• Shred pork and discard fat.

Variations:

• Add apple juice
• Add some brown sugar
• Cook on a lower temperature for 5-6 hours.
  
• Wondering if this works in the crock pot? Thoughts, anyone?
  

I usually try to buy a small piece of pork (on sale) but there is always plenty. That's ok though because I find that eating leftovers is a good way to save money...and time! So we'll have sandwiches for another night or two and then I place what remains in a pan with some salsa and cook it down even further to use for Huevos Rancheros or enchiladas! I have also frozen the pork after I've cooked it down with the salsa to use at a later date.

Huevos Rancheros

I am exploring other ideas for pork butt leftovers, so please pass on anything that comes to mind. An easy recipe for Pork Green Chili would be great!

Hold me

Some days it's nonstop requests to be held. Other days he wants to be left alone.

Most days I give in and carry him around. I figure he can't possibly want to be held forever, so why not. "He'll be a Mams's boy, that's why", you say? There are certainly worse things to be, and I am totally prepared to deal with unMamafying this boy when the time is right. For now I am happy to lug him from room to room going where that tiny little index finger directs.

This and That

Such a big boy
Who can even climb down all by himself
He will sometimes put his hand out for help

• People comment all the time how much Freddie looks like me. And if there was ever any doubt he was my son, this week I saw him pick up a tissue from the floor with his toes and throw it in the wastebasket in the bathroom. Just like mama.
  
• He got clobbered at the park today by a boy a few months older than him. He walked up to and gave Buggers the once over as Freddie smiled and giggled and did his best to win him over. He wasn't going to crack a smile. I thought for a minute Freddie was about to lean in for a hug, but before he got the chance the boy raised both hands and walloped Bug on the head. Freddie's eyes were as big as saucers, the lip stuck out, and then the tears before he ran over and buried his face in my lap. The other boy's mama was thoroughly horrified and apologetic for her son attempting to give Freddie "a high five." Freddie was quick to forgive and gave him some more smile, but from a distance. Let's hope you're a lover, not a fighter, my boy.
• Freddie's extremely chatty these days. He's got a few words and repeats lots of ours. "Touchdown!" and "Whopper!" are two that are so much fun to hear.
  
• His limited vocabulary doesn't interfere with carrying on in depth conversations with all sorts of folks. He talks to the ladies at the check out in the stores all the time. He will even pause and allow them to chime in before continuing on. He can definitely tell me "no" and mean it with a vigorous head shake. He also says "yep" quite a lot but I am not so certain that he exactly knows what he's saying. His response of "yep" has gotten you a whole lot of attention out and about lately. People ask questions in the manner that they do many babies I am sure..."Are you having fun?", "Does that taste good?", "Are you going to take a nap?"...but no one expects Freddie to look right at them and say "Yep" followed up by a lengthy explanation that no one can interpret.
• He's waving bye bye at night now. After singing songs (or sometimes during singing) he'll give me a wave. And so I put him in the crib and he'll wave again and off I go. Night night.
  

Coffee

A morning in the coffee shop is a luxury. I love a good cup of coffee and I especially love having an iced coffee as the weather warms (or becomes sweltering). We don't spend much time in the coffee shop these days, partly because Bug isn't as into the people watching and newspaper reading as I am, but really because spending $4 on a coffee or two is quite the expense.

So, we've been making iced coffee at home. And I love it!

There's something about the straw that I love.*

We pour half coffee concentrate and half milk and then sweeten it with the simple syrup Charlie whips up for cocktails, but I prefer it sweetened with squirt chocolate syrup. Even easier than that is just using chocolate milk (or chocolate Silk light, only 90 calories per serving!).

This recipe is from the newspaper. My technique and proportions are pretty similar.

Ingredients:

• 1 lb coffee
• 10 cups water

Directions:

1. Pour coffee grounds into a large bowl with a lid or a stockpot with a lid. Slowly pour in water, making sure to saturate all the grounds. Stir if necessary to make sure they are all wet.
2. Let container sit at room temperature for 10-12 hours.
3. Strain the coffee concentrate into a second large bowl. Options: Strain it through a medium sieve, then through a fine sieve; or use a strainer lined with a coffee filter, changing the filter two or three times as it becomes clogged.

The newspaper recommends using this coffee concentrate to make hot coffee: For one cup hot coffee, mix 1 part concentrate with 3 parts hot water. I've never tried this though.

I am interested in trying some other of the recipes from the paper.

*While I love using the straw, I feel pretty wasteful tossing it each day. When I was a little girl I remember always wanting to use the glass straw that my grandmother had. I wonder if I can find it in her kitchen before everything gets turned over to Goodwill.

The Mama and her Boy

Lovin'

Look at that mullet!

• Playgrounds: the zoo, the park, the neighborhood
• 129 on the scale!
• Blowing kisses
• Iced coffees
• My boys
• Pointing to his belly and my belly
• Morning walks
• Dresses
• Pink toenails
• Morning snuggles
• Blooming garden
  

A few more thoughts on work

• My feelings about work began before I had Freddie, but his entering our lives has certainly brought a lot of clarity to the situation. Or clarity about what my life priorities are anyway.
• I still will work hard. I have no expectation that I should be allowed to do less because I am a parent or that someone else without children should be expected to pick up my slack. That's just not acceptable.
  
• This new found "clarity" upon Freddie's arrival presents other complications. We want to be role models of good work ethic. We also want it to be clear that family is our priority. How do we find the appropriate balance?
• This isn't only something I struggle with. Charlie feels a pressure (and desire) to "succeed" but at what cost?
• I put pressure on myself. I have high expectations of myself and others. I can't say "no." No doubt about it. But there is absolutely the unspoken expectation of doing more than the official job description in schools and many, many other jobs.
  

Jazzfest, the second weekend

It was more of the same...eating and dancing and chatting and lounging and laughing.


With some rain mixed in. It wouldn't be Jazzfest without the rain.

Catch me if you can!

Freddie was all over. He decided he loved falafel and he also discovered crab cakes at Mr. Ed's!


We've been trying to recover from fest withdrawal and resume our regular routine, but it's been tough with thoughts of possibly not partaking in the fest next year.

Last weekend in April, first weekend in May. It's on the calender and we sure hope to be here.

Mother ISO Employment

I must begin by saying that I *love* teaching. The time I spend with students has been some of my most fulfilling moments.

Teaching, however, is a a whole lot more than the 6 hours spent in front of the classroom. The amount of work invovled to make those 6 hours productive, engaging, and enjoyable for my students and me is considerable. It goes well beyond the one hour of "planning" time teachers are given to prep, especially since that one hour is often spent contacting parents, grading papers, fighting with the copy machine, counting field trip money, organizing supplies, meeting with support personnel, writing grants, fixing the computer, settling arguments. It's a lot. A whole lot.

There was a time in my life that I found a sense of accomplishment from doing so much. I worked and worked and worked. I was at school before 7am and tutored well into the evening and even then there was still work to be done at home. I recruited friends to help, weekends were filled with work related events, and the remaining time was used to sleep. I liked being busy and I enjoyed the challenge of getting everything done perfectly. Somewhere things changed. I am not sure if it was marrying or Katrina but it happened around that time. I decided that I wanted to feel comfortable doing things for myself without feeling as though that time was unproductive. I wanted hobbies and interests and relationships outside of working and teaching. I still wanted to teach, but I didn't feel able to hand over 60+ hours of my week any longer.

And then comes Freddie.

The time that the three of us are all in the house already feels very limited. I am very possessive and do not want anything to interfere with that time. I don't commit to much of anything during those times because I want my my priorities to be reflected in my choices.

We've been spoiled this year with my being home and Charlie's work being more flexible than most. This morning as Freddie walked behind Charlie waving and kissing I was filled with an enormous amount of gratitude that he was able to run back into the room three times to give "just one more" hug and kiss. I don't want the mornings to be a whirlwind where we are tag team parenting in an effort to be efficient and timely. (I must add that I HATE that I feel that this is time together each day is us being spoiled or a "luxury"!)

But I need to work. I want to work. Really I do. I enjoy it. Being out of practice and losing my skills is a little frightening as well. And I want the income so we are able to afford some experiences beyond our home.

So now I must market myself. Hmmmmm.

Fifteen years ago even with little to no experience I used to feel very confident saying I could do (or teach) anything. I would say it and I meant it. I'm smart. I'm dedicated. I am willing to do what it takes to get the job done.

And now with 14 years of successful teaching experience, beacoup tranings and certifcations under my belt, and a masters' degree on top of that I somehow feel unable to sell myself to employers.

I want to leave when the "day" is over. I am not taking work home. I'm not interested in tutoring on Saturdays. I don't want to coordinate the social studies fair. I don't want to take a course to learn about the latest and greatest technology over spring break. Not now.

I'll work my tail off the entire time I am there. I'm willing to work through my "lunchtime" (like most teachers don't already do this, right?). I'm even able to put in longer hours during those critical periods like the start and end of school and testing week. But I cannot say I will do whatever it takes to get the job done.

I've had some experience interviewing teachers and I want them to say they're going to go above and beyond. I want them to say nothing stops them from achieving the goals they set for their students. I want them to have a "no excuses" attitude and commit to working tirelessly to increase student achievement. I sure as hell don't want them to ask about how long they get off at Christmas.

Sigh.

Charlie thinks I just need to lie. Say what I know should be said. Most people tell me employers already know what I'm willing to do and not do when they spot the sippy cup in my purse.

I know we'll figure it out. We always do, right?