1 Week

The state of things around here after 1 week of Hans:

Hans:

• He's a nursing champ.  He wants to nurse every two hours like clockwork.  
• The cosleeper is seeing some action for naps, but night time sleep just doesn't happen in there, or any where else for that matter.
• His toes are long and skinny.  
• He has two or three periods of being wide awake each day.  He gazes around the room.
• He's pooping lots, almost every time he sleeps.
• He has just a bit of fuzz atop his head.
• He looks just like Freddie, and I do mean just like him.

Dada:

• He is a proud papa, that's for sure.
• He's sleeping on the trundle in Freddie's room to get some good sleep.
• A nurse complimented his "baby handling skills" in the hospital.  I'm sure he'll tell you if he sees you.
• Work is back on the daily agenda, but he's abbreviated his schedule and isn't putting in the 2-5 hours in the evening like usual.  He's working back up to 8-5 and was out of the house by 9am today.  So thankful for all the help we've had so far to make this, and so much more, possible.
• He's really taken the lead with for Freddie which has worked out well.

Freddie:

• He missed his Mama while she was in the hospital.  I have heard more than a handful of times about how his teddy, or Tigey, or the puppy are all sad because their mama was in the hospital but she'd be home soon.
• He had an affectionate spurt with Hans when he first arrived home, but the passion has cooled a bit.  He does worry when he cries and likes to give him a pat of a kiss here and there throughout the day.
• When he says Hans is sound like "How-nz."
• I think he's finally putting it together that Hans is the Tummy Brother he has spent so much time talking to and loving on.
• He wouldn't let me out of his sight when I first came home, and has been a bit on the needy side, but overall I think he's handling everything in stride.
• All of a sudden he seems so grown up to me.  He's the big kid in the house, and still very much my baby.

Mama:

• I'm a bit disappointed in how things went for delivery with my blood loss being so high and recovery being slow, but I am feeling a little better each day.  Sleep would certainly speed things along.
• There are only 11 pounds of baby weight left.
• Connecting with Hans is feeling easier than it was with Freddie.  Focusing on this little person is certainly easier the second time around.
• Although I don't remember anything about caring for a newborn, I am not sweating it.  I am sweating the day I am left alone with them and outnumbered.
• My body aches and my head hurts nonstop.
• I haven't gotten dressed yet, but the sight of my pjs and old tshirts is beginning to depress me.
• I love holding Hans and having Freddie crawl into my lap as well.  No better feeling.
• I'm very thankful for the love, support, and help we've had the last week.  Sharing my boys feels good.

Happy Birthday, Hans Edward

June 23, 2011 at 12.31pm

7 lbs 13 oz 20.5 in

Named for my father and grandfather

**I'll be working on catching up here over the next few days.  It's been a busy week**

He's here.

12:30 ish PM. 7 lbs 13 oz.

39 Weeks

Yes, I've been crying.

 Surprise!  Yes, 2 posts in one day and a belly pic on an odd numbered week.

Looking at 40 weeks last go round I'd say it's just about the same size.  My weight gain is about the same, +26, down a pound from last week.  I figured since this is likely to be the last ever week this belly exists, I needed to document.  There will not be a 40 week installment.

I am having a c-section on Thursday.  I've let go of all thoughts on having a vaginal delivery.  I wanted this baby to come when he's ready.  Charlie and I talked about how clinical delivering Freddie became, and how quickly he was swept off and kept in a warm box behind a glass with his Dada on the other side.  I longed for a quick hospital stay and an easy recovery.  Well, this week I don't care about any of that.  I want my baby, I want my body, and I want my life back, and if a section is going to do it, so be it.  Judge away people, but don't tell me about it.
 
This pregnancy feels like it's been twice as long as with Freddie.  I've been thinking that at 39 weeks with Freddie I was still working,  putting in five-six miles each day at the park, and at 40+ weeks I stuffed myself into a tutu and flitted around the city half nekkid.  Here I am at 39 weeks and I haven't exercised in weeks.  I use Freddie's stool to plop my behind on to fetch things from the bottom cabinet because I can't bend over.  Taking a shower winds me.  My knees ache, my hands hurt, and I look like hell.

I'm still sick and beginning to become a little concerned about it.  I rebounded some midweek, but today's been pretty bad with my fever back on the rise.  I may call Dr. H tomorrow and ask for a z-pack although I'm not convinced it would help, but at this point I just want something to make me feel better.

There's a list of cleaning and organizing and prepping sitting on the counter and it will never get done.  The most important item not yet scratched off is "spend time as a family, preferably away from the home."  Sadly, that's not happening either and I'm depressed about it.  I do not feel up to doing anything.  I'm not giving Freddie the attention I want him to have before I am gone for several days only to return with the force that's going to rock his world.  I didn't make a cake for Father's Day.  There were no cards or gifts.  Charlie's birthday is Tuesday and it will most likely be a repeat of today, and that just doesn't feel good.

Freddie is changing before my eyes and I'm unable to document it.  I'm not taking pictures.  I'm not blogging.  I'm not remembering how he was yesterday or last week.  Go ahead and say it...it's the beginning of a new era in Mommyhood.  The "I can't keep up" and "There's not enough of me to do everything" phase has begun.  Damn it.

My level of homesickness and desire for familiarity has been turned way up.  I want to deliver PD where I delivered Freddie, the hospital I passed almost daily, where I was a patient for 20 years.  I'm sure we're getting adequate care here, and I've done multiple google searches on Dr. H, and can't find any pending malpractice suits or horrifying stories about him in chat rooms.  Surely the guy knows what he's doing but I think I've seen him 12 times maybe, if even that?

Side note:  I suppose it's worth mentioning I've been having dreams in which my old ob-gyn, Dr. M, has been making appearances wearing only a sarong.  I pass him on the street, he's sitting at the table next to us, he's talking on the phone...in only a sarong.  What's that all about?!?  The guy's bald and middle aged but he seems totally comfortable in that sarong.  I'm filing these dreams under "homesick" and "longs for familiarity"  although not sure what the sarong has to do with either of those because it ain't familiar.

I want a shrimp poboy in the hospital.  I want my family to visit.  I want to come home to our house, our dogs, and have our neighbors craning their necks over the fence to see him.  I hope Tummy Brother forgives me for the State of New York birth certificate.

Also weighing heavy on my mind is my complete ambivalence about having a second child right now.  Please don't misunderstand; Tummy Brother is very much wanted.  We want to grow our family and I'm sure he's just the guy to do that.  But I want my life back.  I want to feel normal.  I want enjoy my time with Freddie.  I want to do fun things on the weekends.  I'm not reflecting on this body carrying its last baby, or trying to enjoy those last few kicks from within.  I am ready to carry on.

And that, folks, is a ride on the crazy train.  It's been a while, hasn't it?  Stay tuned.  Something tells me this is only the beginning.

Father's Day

Their self portrait on the playground this morning

A typical scene from our house this morning:  Charlie is busily trying to get done with a project I've asked about for a while...hooks in the hall to hang scooters and the umbrella stroller.  And he's got a helper.  This 20 minute project took well over an hour with his helper, not including the break for a dance party in the living room.  With the stroller and scooter hanging there were high fives, hugs, and compliments to the best helper ever. 

Fatherhood has changed Charlie, made him softer and more patient.  The man gushes with love and pride.  He takes his job very seriously, so seriously in fact that he even comes to me, whom he's labeled the CEO of Childhood Growth and Development, for advice and suggestions on parenting. 

It makes my heart swell to hear Freddie say, "I love you, Mama.  And Tummy Brother.  And Dada my guy, my best guy, whole world."  

Thank you, Charlie, for loving us so.  We couldn't ask for anything more. 

Part Deux Update

At 38 weeks 2 days:

Blood pressure:  110/60
Fundal height:  39
Weight gain:  +2, +27 overall


PD's heartbeat found right away.  He's high in the uterus.  Internals today, and I called it right:  no progress.  Cervix not showing any signs of delivering a baby any time soon.  Cervix is closed and "maybe a little soft."  

My being sickly is most likely viral he said, but he offered a z-pak which I declined.  He said to call if I am not feeling better in a day or two. 


Today was my last prenatal appointment, unless there's a big change and I am feeling contractions before the scheduled cesarean or if I change my mind about having a cesarean.  Wow.  We are that close.


Labor and delivery will be expecting me next week a few days prior to the cesearan to do bloodwork. 


Next up:  Delivery of PD (aka Tummy Brother) on Thursday, June 23, 10am.  Arrive at hospital at 8am. Fast after midnight the night before....no coffee.

38 Weeks

 

 

Was I bigger last time?  I sure was cuter.  Looking pretty rough at 38 weeks.  And not really caring either.

Other than being 38 weeks pregnant and swelled up, I am sick.  Freddie was sick all week and my temperature was up and down.  Friday night it really amped up and I am sicker than I've been in a long time.  I'm a teacher, I don't get sick.  I hate being sick. 

Nothing happened this weekend as I had planned.  No cleaning. No family of 3 time. No hair dying.  Tonight Freddie even asked, "Hard day, Mama?" as he came in to kiss me good night after his bath. 

My fingers, hands, arms are still swelling when I lie down and my feet have joined the fun. My feet have always been of the stumpy variety but by the time 5pm rolls around they look like they're going to pop. 

I've been thinking it is just wrong to ride the subway to the hospital to deliver, but taking the tram and then walking the 15-20 blocks doesn't seem like a good idea either.  And looking at the traffic on the 59th Street Bridge, taking a car would take much too long.  I suppose the tram and then a cab on 2nd Ave is the best plan.  Wondering how all of that will work out.

Doctor on Tuesday.  Wondering if I'll need to do pre-op at the hospital this week as well. 

Around Here

• Freddie and Mama have fevers which have been climbing over the past 24 hours.  I'm hoping not to see the 104 the thermometer read this afternoon again.
• I dusted off the trusty old breast pump.
• I got 12+ hours sleep on Friday, and felt great until nap time on Saturday when I needed more sleep.  Could do that every single night. 
• The swelling in my hands is getting worse.  Working feeling back into my right hand and arm in the morning has brought me to tears the past two mornings.  It is that bad.
• I gained 3 pounds overnight.  Swelling I imagine.  Probably the cause of the pain in my arms reaching a new high.
• My hospital bag is packed.
• The weather has been warm and sunny.  Freddie and I went out to the playground a bunch last week, but this week I think we'll lay low and get healthy.
• I take back everything I said about wanting this baby to cook as long as he sees fit.  I want him out now.
• The postpartum helper visits seem to be coming together.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.
• We still don't have a name.  We talked about it though. 
• Newborn diapers have been ordered. 
• Charlie's been putting in lots of hours at work.
• Most everything left on my "to do" list involves cleaning.  Not feeling too hopeful about it all getting done. 
• I want to get some posts up about Freddie real soon.  I feel like he's changing and developing so quickly.
• And did I metion that Tummy Brother is still nameless?

Part Deux Update

At 36 weeks 4 days:

Blood pressure:  110/60 (better)
Fundal height:  38
Weight gain:  +0, +25 overall

Heartbeat found right away. Still head down.  PD kicking like a mad man and measuring big.

Group B culture from last week was positive.  (How'd you know Lesley?)  Anibiotics at delivery, but I imagine only if a vaginal delivery.  Didn't think to ask that.

I asked for any recommendations for the swelling in my hands and wrists and now elbows.  He said he'd rather I not take anything and just suck it up for the next couple of weeks.  Sigh.

He offered an internal check.  No, thanks.  Maybe next week, he added.  No, thanks.

Next appointments:  June 14th, 8.30am and June 21, 8.45 am.