Birth Day, June 23

Waiting for elevator after riding the tram.  Go ahead, say it...Oh My God!  Look at that belly!

We were scheduled for a 10am delivery, with an 8am arrival.  Upon getting to labor and delivery it was apparent that things were hectic and we'd be waiting for a while.  I was prepped and just waited. It was good people watching and hearing the little cries of brand new babies being wheeled in with their mamas made me teary.  Not too much longer before we'd meet our newest guy.

Last time holding onto that belly.

My nurse was fantastic, and I can say that of all of the nurses who cared for me during my stay.  Dr. H stopped by to chat a bit which helped relax me, and we chatted again as they prepped me in the OR.  When he came into the OR is held my hand as he talked to me.  This is definitely one of those things they should teach doctors in medical school, along with telling pregnant patients at each visit how fantastic they look (something Dr. M used to do).

My experience with anesthesia was much better this time around, thankfully.  No trembling or nausea and I was able to be "present" as surgery began.

What I will remember most about that day is hearing our baby boy scream as soon as he was pulled into the outside world.  I didn't have that experience with Freddie.  The table where he was cleaned up and checked out was just a few feet from my head and he never left my sight in that room. Freddie had been whisked off to another room and I remember asking the nurses if he was ok, and having to listen very carefully to hear his cry.

The pediatrician spoke with me before leaving the OR telling me her initial check showed him to be healthy and she didn't have any worries.

After a quick check and wipe down, he was bundled up and sent to recovery with Charlie to wait for me.  Charlie got to spend time with just him as they waited for me to finish up in the OR. 

It was a long evening in recovery though as I was losing blood and my blood pressure wasn't stable.  Charlie was able to stay with me and Hans was brought back a few hours later to nurse and cuddle as I rested and was observed.  Looking at him I noticed his mouth; it was Freddie's mouth. 

My only picture of us in the hospital. 

Brothers for sure.

1 Week

The state of things around here after 1 week of Hans:

Hans:

• He's a nursing champ.  He wants to nurse every two hours like clockwork.  
• The cosleeper is seeing some action for naps, but night time sleep just doesn't happen in there, or any where else for that matter.
• His toes are long and skinny.  
• He has two or three periods of being wide awake each day.  He gazes around the room.
• He's pooping lots, almost every time he sleeps.
• He has just a bit of fuzz atop his head.
• He looks just like Freddie, and I do mean just like him.

Dada:

• He is a proud papa, that's for sure.
• He's sleeping on the trundle in Freddie's room to get some good sleep.
• A nurse complimented his "baby handling skills" in the hospital.  I'm sure he'll tell you if he sees you.
• Work is back on the daily agenda, but he's abbreviated his schedule and isn't putting in the 2-5 hours in the evening like usual.  He's working back up to 8-5 and was out of the house by 9am today.  So thankful for all the help we've had so far to make this, and so much more, possible.
• He's really taken the lead with for Freddie which has worked out well.

Freddie:

• He missed his Mama while she was in the hospital.  I have heard more than a handful of times about how his teddy, or Tigey, or the puppy are all sad because their mama was in the hospital but she'd be home soon.
• He had an affectionate spurt with Hans when he first arrived home, but the passion has cooled a bit.  He does worry when he cries and likes to give him a pat of a kiss here and there throughout the day.
• When he says Hans is sound like "How-nz."
• I think he's finally putting it together that Hans is the Tummy Brother he has spent so much time talking to and loving on.
• He wouldn't let me out of his sight when I first came home, and has been a bit on the needy side, but overall I think he's handling everything in stride.
• All of a sudden he seems so grown up to me.  He's the big kid in the house, and still very much my baby.

Mama:

• I'm a bit disappointed in how things went for delivery with my blood loss being so high and recovery being slow, but I am feeling a little better each day.  Sleep would certainly speed things along.
• There are only 11 pounds of baby weight left.
• Connecting with Hans is feeling easier than it was with Freddie.  Focusing on this little person is certainly easier the second time around.
• Although I don't remember anything about caring for a newborn, I am not sweating it.  I am sweating the day I am left alone with them and outnumbered.
• My body aches and my head hurts nonstop.
• I haven't gotten dressed yet, but the sight of my pjs and old tshirts is beginning to depress me.
• I love holding Hans and having Freddie crawl into my lap as well.  No better feeling.
• I'm very thankful for the love, support, and help we've had the last week.  Sharing my boys feels good.

Happy Birthday, Hans Edward

June 23, 2011 at 12.31pm

7 lbs 13 oz 20.5 in

Named for my father and grandfather

**I'll be working on catching up here over the next few days.  It's been a busy week**

He's here.

12:30 ish PM. 7 lbs 13 oz.

39 Weeks

Yes, I've been crying.

 Surprise!  Yes, 2 posts in one day and a belly pic on an odd numbered week.

Looking at 40 weeks last go round I'd say it's just about the same size.  My weight gain is about the same, +26, down a pound from last week.  I figured since this is likely to be the last ever week this belly exists, I needed to document.  There will not be a 40 week installment.

I am having a c-section on Thursday.  I've let go of all thoughts on having a vaginal delivery.  I wanted this baby to come when he's ready.  Charlie and I talked about how clinical delivering Freddie became, and how quickly he was swept off and kept in a warm box behind a glass with his Dada on the other side.  I longed for a quick hospital stay and an easy recovery.  Well, this week I don't care about any of that.  I want my baby, I want my body, and I want my life back, and if a section is going to do it, so be it.  Judge away people, but don't tell me about it.
 
This pregnancy feels like it's been twice as long as with Freddie.  I've been thinking that at 39 weeks with Freddie I was still working,  putting in five-six miles each day at the park, and at 40+ weeks I stuffed myself into a tutu and flitted around the city half nekkid.  Here I am at 39 weeks and I haven't exercised in weeks.  I use Freddie's stool to plop my behind on to fetch things from the bottom cabinet because I can't bend over.  Taking a shower winds me.  My knees ache, my hands hurt, and I look like hell.

I'm still sick and beginning to become a little concerned about it.  I rebounded some midweek, but today's been pretty bad with my fever back on the rise.  I may call Dr. H tomorrow and ask for a z-pack although I'm not convinced it would help, but at this point I just want something to make me feel better.

There's a list of cleaning and organizing and prepping sitting on the counter and it will never get done.  The most important item not yet scratched off is "spend time as a family, preferably away from the home."  Sadly, that's not happening either and I'm depressed about it.  I do not feel up to doing anything.  I'm not giving Freddie the attention I want him to have before I am gone for several days only to return with the force that's going to rock his world.  I didn't make a cake for Father's Day.  There were no cards or gifts.  Charlie's birthday is Tuesday and it will most likely be a repeat of today, and that just doesn't feel good.

Freddie is changing before my eyes and I'm unable to document it.  I'm not taking pictures.  I'm not blogging.  I'm not remembering how he was yesterday or last week.  Go ahead and say it...it's the beginning of a new era in Mommyhood.  The "I can't keep up" and "There's not enough of me to do everything" phase has begun.  Damn it.

My level of homesickness and desire for familiarity has been turned way up.  I want to deliver PD where I delivered Freddie, the hospital I passed almost daily, where I was a patient for 20 years.  I'm sure we're getting adequate care here, and I've done multiple google searches on Dr. H, and can't find any pending malpractice suits or horrifying stories about him in chat rooms.  Surely the guy knows what he's doing but I think I've seen him 12 times maybe, if even that?

Side note:  I suppose it's worth mentioning I've been having dreams in which my old ob-gyn, Dr. M, has been making appearances wearing only a sarong.  I pass him on the street, he's sitting at the table next to us, he's talking on the phone...in only a sarong.  What's that all about?!?  The guy's bald and middle aged but he seems totally comfortable in that sarong.  I'm filing these dreams under "homesick" and "longs for familiarity"  although not sure what the sarong has to do with either of those because it ain't familiar.

I want a shrimp poboy in the hospital.  I want my family to visit.  I want to come home to our house, our dogs, and have our neighbors craning their necks over the fence to see him.  I hope Tummy Brother forgives me for the State of New York birth certificate.

Also weighing heavy on my mind is my complete ambivalence about having a second child right now.  Please don't misunderstand; Tummy Brother is very much wanted.  We want to grow our family and I'm sure he's just the guy to do that.  But I want my life back.  I want to feel normal.  I want enjoy my time with Freddie.  I want to do fun things on the weekends.  I'm not reflecting on this body carrying its last baby, or trying to enjoy those last few kicks from within.  I am ready to carry on.

And that, folks, is a ride on the crazy train.  It's been a while, hasn't it?  Stay tuned.  Something tells me this is only the beginning.

Father's Day

Their self portrait on the playground this morning

A typical scene from our house this morning:  Charlie is busily trying to get done with a project I've asked about for a while...hooks in the hall to hang scooters and the umbrella stroller.  And he's got a helper.  This 20 minute project took well over an hour with his helper, not including the break for a dance party in the living room.  With the stroller and scooter hanging there were high fives, hugs, and compliments to the best helper ever. 

Fatherhood has changed Charlie, made him softer and more patient.  The man gushes with love and pride.  He takes his job very seriously, so seriously in fact that he even comes to me, whom he's labeled the CEO of Childhood Growth and Development, for advice and suggestions on parenting. 

It makes my heart swell to hear Freddie say, "I love you, Mama.  And Tummy Brother.  And Dada my guy, my best guy, whole world."  

Thank you, Charlie, for loving us so.  We couldn't ask for anything more. 

Part Deux Update

At 38 weeks 2 days:

Blood pressure:  110/60
Fundal height:  39
Weight gain:  +2, +27 overall


PD's heartbeat found right away.  He's high in the uterus.  Internals today, and I called it right:  no progress.  Cervix not showing any signs of delivering a baby any time soon.  Cervix is closed and "maybe a little soft."  

My being sickly is most likely viral he said, but he offered a z-pak which I declined.  He said to call if I am not feeling better in a day or two. 


Today was my last prenatal appointment, unless there's a big change and I am feeling contractions before the scheduled cesarean or if I change my mind about having a cesarean.  Wow.  We are that close.


Labor and delivery will be expecting me next week a few days prior to the cesearan to do bloodwork. 


Next up:  Delivery of PD (aka Tummy Brother) on Thursday, June 23, 10am.  Arrive at hospital at 8am. Fast after midnight the night before....no coffee.

38 Weeks

 

 

Was I bigger last time?  I sure was cuter.  Looking pretty rough at 38 weeks.  And not really caring either.

Other than being 38 weeks pregnant and swelled up, I am sick.  Freddie was sick all week and my temperature was up and down.  Friday night it really amped up and I am sicker than I've been in a long time.  I'm a teacher, I don't get sick.  I hate being sick. 

Nothing happened this weekend as I had planned.  No cleaning. No family of 3 time. No hair dying.  Tonight Freddie even asked, "Hard day, Mama?" as he came in to kiss me good night after his bath. 

My fingers, hands, arms are still swelling when I lie down and my feet have joined the fun. My feet have always been of the stumpy variety but by the time 5pm rolls around they look like they're going to pop. 

I've been thinking it is just wrong to ride the subway to the hospital to deliver, but taking the tram and then walking the 15-20 blocks doesn't seem like a good idea either.  And looking at the traffic on the 59th Street Bridge, taking a car would take much too long.  I suppose the tram and then a cab on 2nd Ave is the best plan.  Wondering how all of that will work out.

Doctor on Tuesday.  Wondering if I'll need to do pre-op at the hospital this week as well. 

Around Here

• Freddie and Mama have fevers which have been climbing over the past 24 hours.  I'm hoping not to see the 104 the thermometer read this afternoon again.
• I dusted off the trusty old breast pump.
• I got 12+ hours sleep on Friday, and felt great until nap time on Saturday when I needed more sleep.  Could do that every single night. 
• The swelling in my hands is getting worse.  Working feeling back into my right hand and arm in the morning has brought me to tears the past two mornings.  It is that bad.
• I gained 3 pounds overnight.  Swelling I imagine.  Probably the cause of the pain in my arms reaching a new high.
• My hospital bag is packed.
• The weather has been warm and sunny.  Freddie and I went out to the playground a bunch last week, but this week I think we'll lay low and get healthy.
• I take back everything I said about wanting this baby to cook as long as he sees fit.  I want him out now.
• The postpartum helper visits seem to be coming together.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.
• We still don't have a name.  We talked about it though. 
• Newborn diapers have been ordered. 
• Charlie's been putting in lots of hours at work.
• Most everything left on my "to do" list involves cleaning.  Not feeling too hopeful about it all getting done. 
• I want to get some posts up about Freddie real soon.  I feel like he's changing and developing so quickly.
• And did I metion that Tummy Brother is still nameless?

Part Deux Update

At 36 weeks 4 days:

Blood pressure:  110/60 (better)
Fundal height:  38
Weight gain:  +0, +25 overall

Heartbeat found right away. Still head down.  PD kicking like a mad man and measuring big.

Group B culture from last week was positive.  (How'd you know Lesley?)  Anibiotics at delivery, but I imagine only if a vaginal delivery.  Didn't think to ask that.

I asked for any recommendations for the swelling in my hands and wrists and now elbows.  He said he'd rather I not take anything and just suck it up for the next couple of weeks.  Sigh.

He offered an internal check.  No, thanks.  Maybe next week, he added.  No, thanks.

Next appointments:  June 14th, 8.30am and June 21, 8.45 am. 

36 weeks (and 1 day)

Compared to last time around I think it's pretty much equally sized, and reading posts from my pregnancy with Freddie, apparently I was feeling pretty rough, but I honestly don't remember it being this difficult.  I mean that smile in the 36 weeks post in 2009 looks pretty genuine.  Today's smile?  Not so much.

A little of what's going on:

• When I lie down my limbs go numb.  My arms and hands are affected more than my legs.  It is very painful upon waking up, and although it does get better as I move them around, I never fully regain complete strength in my hands.  I have difficulty lifting things and opening bottles and jars.  My grasp is generally weak.
• If it weren't for the painful hands thing I would very much like to lie down 24 hours a day.  Doing anything makes me winded and light headed.  
• I'm not exercising, and that upsets me.  Exercise does a lot for my positive mental attitude.  I just cannot seem to make it happen.  If it is going to happen at all it needs to be as soon as I wake up.  By the time I get everything set for Freddie and I to leave the house in the morning I am ready rest again.
• As much as I try to remind myself how much I'll miss feeling a baby move inside my belly, I wish this kid would quit kicking.  I swear he doesn't sleep.  I know Freddie didn't move this much.  I thought by this point in the game he'd be wedged in there so tight there'd be no movement.  He's constantly causing bulges in my belly, often on both sides at the same time.  
• Charlie's really great.  I know he is gritting his teeth and smiling as I whine, and he looks so cute doing it.  Just the other day he smiled, and raised his eyebrows, as he read over my list of things to do before the baby arrives.  
• Charlie got out my bag to be packed for the hospital.  I am having a hard time remembering what really needs to be in it.
• I did get a nightshirt to wear in the hospital.  I wanted one last time but stayed in my hospital gown the entire stay.  Man, I wish I would have put on something else and a little lip gloss.  Someone change my clothes for me this go round.  Or remind me that my roommate can see my rear end when I walk to the bathroom in the hospital gown.
• Yes, you read that correctly.  I will be having a ROOMMATE in the hospital.  Private postpartum rooms are not standard in New York City.  While they are available for an extra fee, I could have a 3 day spa trip for half the price.
• Where is all of this stuff going to go?  I am slowly purging and reorganizing, but not having any storage space is really a drag.  We looked into renting a storage closet in the basement, but $1000 yearly for a tiny closet?  Ugh.

Supper Serenade

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, 27 months

Part Deux Update

At 35 weeks 2 days:

Blood pressure:  120/80 (a bit high for me, but overall ok)
Fundal height:  36-37
Weight gain:  +3, +25 overall
PD heart rate: 165

Fundal height is measuring a little big. Maybe he's a big guy, or maybe he just wants to stay as high in the uterus as possible.

Ultrasound today to confirm he's head down and he is indeed head down.  Dr. H said he definitely felt his head but did an ultrasound for me to check it out as well.  He let me watch for a while as PD was wiggling around causing some waves on my tummy.  So neat to see the screen and feel those movements.

I gave him my biggest complaint:  Appendages falling asleep when I lie down on my back or on either side.  He said it is due to swelling.  I'm not "that swollen" to be concerned.

No internal checks today.  Whew. He said he'd start checking my cervix if I wanted, but didn't think any dilation or effacement, or lack of, was any indication of when labor would begin.  Maybe we'll check around 38 or 39 weeks. 

Group B strep swab performed today.  I was negative with Freddie so don't anticipate a positive culture.

Scheduled section has been pushed back one day:  Thursday, June 23rd, 10am, arrive at hospital at 8am

Next appointments:  We're weekly from here on out... June 2nd at 8.30am, June 14th at 8.30am

Oh, and sorry about the lack of a 34 week belly picture.  36 week picture will arrive on Sunday.

Our Family Genius

 

I'm very proud of Charlie.  Not just proud of him for cranking out a dissertation, having PhD behind his name, or getting mail addressed to Dr. Charlie but proud of him for pursuing what he loves.  I'm proud he loves science and the art of problem solving despite the lack of glamour and fortune.  And I am especially proud that he manages to put our family above all else regardless of the demands on a Genius.  I love you, Charlie.  Congratulations. 

Until Next Time, New Orleans

Goodbye playing with cousins.
Goodbye streetcar rides.
Goodbye cherry snowballs.
Goodbye duckies at Audubon Park.
Goodbye Target and Walmart.
Goodbye warm weather and mosquitos.
Goodbye beignets.
Goodbye poboys.
Goodbye boiled crawfish.
Goodbye playing in sprinklers.
Goodbye music on the streets.
Goodbye Aquarium and Zoo.
Goodbye Who Dats and fellow Yats.
Goodbye oaks, dripping in moss.
Goodbye cracked sidewalks and potholed streets.

We'll be back, before you know it.

Commencement

 

Charlie defended his dissertation in August, and his degree was conferred in December, but there was this little matter of commencement.  Commencement occurred this past week, and Charlie was present.  It was a big moment for him that I thought he shouldn't miss.  He did earn a PhD, after all.  He was game since it meant a few calorie packed days in New Orleans, his home for the past 13 years.

Charlie and Dr. H, his mentor

I know graduations are boring. Just ask Freddie...

Watching a movie on his ipod

But I think there are a few folks out there who didn't make it but may be interested in some of photos.

Charlie getting "hooded"

The entire Health Sciences Center in New Orleans graduated.  That's 600+ doctors, dentists, nurses, researchers.  It was a long morning.

I kept telling Freddie to listen for Dada's name and asked if he knew what Dada's name was, and sure enough he said "St....," Charlie's last name.  

Charlie smiled and didn't trip as he walked across the stage.  He represented well.  

Meeting Baby Joe

Freddie got to have a peek at Baby Joe, who is now a month old.  He kept saying "so tiny," which definitely describes Joe.  Joe must have made quite the impression on Freddie because I heard him saying to his dolls today "Awww, so sweet.  Baby Joe so tiny," and when I ask about Joe he says "bring Baby Joe toys."

Hoping to get Baby Joe and Part Deux together soon!

Cool Zoo

**Note:  This post originally published on May 11th but was lost when Blogger was having some issues.  Although Blogger seemed to be restoring lost posts, this post never made it back up, leaving me wondering about whether I need to find a new server as well as a means of regularly backing up the blog.  Any suggestions welcome.

Freddie and I are *so* thankful for the NOLA heat and humidity on this visit.  I appreciate the sweat beading up on my forehead and back more than I thought possible.  With the temperatures being the warmest they've been since our arrival last week it was a perfect day to spend at Cool Zoo, Audubon Zoo's version of a small "splash park."

The boys, Papi included, had no idea what they were getting into.  Mama had done her research, of course, so I figured this would be a good way to spend the morning before the crowds arrived.  I also knew once we were here there would be no turning back to visit any of the animals, which was perfectly fine.  We'll check in on the animals on another visit.

The park consists of sprinklers shooting from the ground as well as several overhead "buckets" dumping water.  There is also a giant white alligator in the center with slides wrapping around him.  The alligator's mouth fills with water and every few minutes is heavy enough to dump the full bucket on everyone below.  I thought Freddie could have easily been knocked off his feet by the blast of water but he managed to remain standing or get quickly out of the way each time.

Ian on the other hand reveled in the deluge.

Papi took the kids to "wait" for the bucket to dump.

This stunt reminded me of his climbing into the Zephyr Roller Coaster car at Pontchartrain Beach with Christian and me when we were kids but quickly hopped out as the roller coaster was inching off, sending us on our first Zephyr ride solo.  Same old tricks.

 Freddie was a too timid to climb the stairs to go down the slides but was more than happy running around and around and around, literally non stop for three hours.  He probably would have made the trek up had I held his hand and gone down with him, but that wasn't in the cards this trip.  Ian, being a grown up three and a half, did go up a few times, but I think he was more content running through the spray with Freddie.

Freddie had a smile on his face the entire three hours we were there.  I loved seeing him have so much fun.  He also slept more than he's ever slept.  I had to wake him from a 3+ hour nap and he was obviously still tired and not ready to get up.  Bedtime came quickly and he was out without issue for 12 hours.  I may love that even more than the big grin he had for the 3 hours at Cool Zoo. 

 

This was a great morning.  We're looking forward to the next visit.

A few details:

• Cool Zoo admission is an additional $5 on top of zoo admission ($15/adult, $10/child 2-12 years), or $4 for members
• Everyone entering Cool Zoo must pay admission, even if you are just sitting on the sidelines
• Supposedly no snacks are allowed, but lots of mamas had their bags packed with goodies and treats
• Concession stand had the usual hot dogs, corn dogs, french fry fare.  We had $2 fries, $2 kids soda which included a refill, and $1 bag of cheetos (which Freddie inhaled).  None of the prices were terribly outrageous and seemed in line with what I expected to pay.
• Bring a towel.  Lots of mamas seemed to be in their swimsuits and cover ups parked at the tables for the day.  Freddie could have stayed longer than the three hours we were there and probably wouldn't have even noticed if I'd left.
• We were there for 10 am and the crowd was thin.  It picked up some as we were leaving a bit passed 1, but was not crowded.  I imagine the crowds will be heavier during the summer and on weekends.
• A great addition to the Audubon Zoo.  I would be here quite a bit with Freddie if we were still in the neighborhood.