- My feelings about work began before I had Freddie, but his entering our lives has certainly brought a lot of clarity to the situation. Or clarity about what my life priorities are anyway.
- I still will work hard. I have no expectation that I should be allowed to do less because I am a parent or that someone else without children should be expected to pick up my slack. That's just not acceptable.
- This new found "clarity" upon Freddie's arrival presents other complications. We want to be role models of good work ethic. We also want it to be clear that family is our priority. How do we find the appropriate balance?
- This isn't only something I struggle with. Charlie feels a pressure (and desire) to "succeed" but at what cost?
- I put pressure on myself. I have high expectations of myself and others. I can't say "no." No doubt about it. But there is absolutely the unspoken expectation of doing more than the official job description in schools and many, many other jobs.
Friday, May 07, 2010
A few more thoughts on work
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6 comments:
So I'm totally stalking your blog...but this issue is something I think about and struggle with on a nearly constant basis. For me, what it's come down to is a realization that there is no such thing as having everything; I can't expect to have a flourishing, connected home/family life AND be a super star at work. This is not to say that I don't work hard, and do my absolute best at work, because I do and I've been recognized for that, but it does mean that I'm probably not going to be chairing the state clinical social work association, or heading up the local private practice coalition, or starting up professional reading groups, or any number of things I'd probably be doing if I didn't have family commitments. I am constantly making choices having to do with family, work and social life, and those decisions often feel impossible. For me, it's come down to giving priority to my own quality of life, without compromising my work ethic. It's a terribly delicate balance, but it is possible, I think. (Now, I will shut up.)
Thank you for your insight, Chrissie. I know I am not the first to have this struggle.
I actually struggle with so many things in wanting to really make choices that reflect my values and priorities, but it isn't always easy.
I think when finding this job it is going to be important for me to be clear about who I am and where I am in my life, but I feel like that will preclude me from being hired in almost all cases, and that makes me angry.
I don't want to be the best anymore, but it will be hard for me to think I am not living up to expectations, spoken or unspoken. I suppose that is what I need to learn to let go of.
Here's my two cents (smile). Go easy on yourself. You are both wonderful role models to Freddie, no matter what path you pick, and he is certainly too young to "get it" now anyway. Being a great mom takes lots of work and creativity, so you are teaching him those things in a format that is directed at him. Children never understand what their parents do at work anyway, right?
As for your self-esteem, now that is a different matter entirely. Find the "right" job for you. If you do end up going to NYC, all of those private schools there LOVE hiring staff with diverse backgrounds, and certainly your life experience in NOLA (living through Katrina, in addition to teaching sick kids) could be very attractive to a school there. I know a bit about this because a dear friend of mine who had been in the Peace Corps in Africa was hired by Brearley, even with no teaching degree. Her job was pretty flexible and was devoted to imparting wisdom to these insulated kids. Not such a bad gig, especially if a place like that will find value in you, above just the sheer hours of work you can pour in.
I know you must feel such upheaval right now, planning to leave your home and friends. The rest will come. I do know you are wise and thoughtful, and can't wait to see where you go next! xox
Hear, hear or Here, here, Lesley!
Erin,
You are an exceptional teacher! Don't ever "lie" about what you want or or need to do as a teacher! In your quest to "have a life" and teach (sometimes impossible), you will still be one one of the best!
No one, but another good teacher, realizes the emotional, mental, and physical stress dedicated teaching creates! After 20 years, Lynn and I decided that we could not do what we had done for the previous 20---the next 20. We prioritized and slowed down. We began leaving home later and school earlier...we began a "no-work-all-us" holiday policy---we learned to say "no" (at least some of the time)---and we made our family come first no matter what.
Most of all, we internalized that our kids would survive without us!
It was a hard lesson to learn and actually follow-through with, but we have done it now for about 5 years...it really works. We enjoy work much more, the critical times at work don't feel so crazy, and when we are home, we're home!
You can have both your work and your family...just remember to take care of yourself. Do what you do. You will be fine!
Laura and Lynn
You're a great Mom and a great professional. Doesn't matter if you're doing everything or nothing or something in between -- any Mom always feels she's not doing enough no matter where she falls on that spectrum. Bullshit all over "you can't have it all" -- you'll work it out, no matter what you want "it all" to be.
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